Barli Fadly

Baru sadar ternyata terakhir kali post pas tahun 2019. Lima tahun yang lalu.. It’d be 36 times around the sun in cat years. Can you imagine that?

Sejak terakhir kali update, banyak banget pengalaman dan cerita yang nggak gue share disini. Covid-19, life changing moment, gue selesai sekolah master di Los Angeles, pulang ke Indonesia beberapa bulan, dan sekarang akhirnya balik lagi ke AS untuk lanjut sekolah doktor di Pittsburgh. 

Mungkin lain kali kalau ada waktu dan kesempatan bakal gue share disini. 

Anyway. Desember ini gue ulang tahun ke-31. As I get older, I’ve realized that I’ve become more and more vanilla. Actually, even vanilla would be too flavorful to describe me rn. Kayaknya gue sekarang jadi orang paling uninteresting. 

I’m a PhD student researching about international law. I work at the government job I always dream about since I was a little kid. I lied about being an avid reader because I honestly can’t remember the last time I enjoyed reading (or finished) a book. Since I moved to Pittsburgh this January, I ride my bike almost everyday, weather permitting. I’ve stopped going to the gym regularly. When people ask me if I play amy sports, I’d feel bewildered bc I’ve never been very good at any sports. I never know how to play any musical instruments. I no longer sing, or act. And I still don’t know how to dance. I swim, but only know one stroke: breaststroke. I can’t remember the last time I learned something new. Except that one time when Mark taught me to play disc golf in Schenley Park. I wouldn’t stand out in a group of 100 or even 50 people. 

Are we, as humans, becoming less and less interesting as we grow older, or is it just me? Does my ADHD make me less fun of a person, than I used to be? Or should I just keep these thoughts private in my note app? Idk. 

I haven’t slept well the last few days. Last night I could only sleep at 3am, just to got up at 5am to take a huge shit. And I couldn’t got back to sleep until about 7am, thanks to this drowsy allergy pill I took. I’m supposed to be sleeping right now, but the same pill I took an hour ago hasn’t kicked in yet. Or should I take another one? 

Haha there’s too much to think about at times. Intinya, gue ngerasa jauh berbeda dengan Barli lima tahun lalu. Barli yang sekarang sedang sekolah S3 di Amerika, bukan Barli yang dulu selalu excited update di blog ini. My vibe as a person isn’t even close to who I was back in 2016-2018 when I was still working at a lawfirm. I’ve changed. A lot. Not for the better. At least personality wise. 

I really need to see a therapist. 

Pittsburgh, October 16, 2024 at 12.35am.